Writing Friends--overcoming shyness and reaping the rewards

My first writing friend was my best friend at the time. We spent one sleepover playing out a story on the fly with my dolls and assorted playsets. We were both so impressed with ourselves that we then spent a good month or two writing it out in prose, alternating at every chapter. It was cheesy and probably offense to more than one professional author and religious group, but we were barely into adolescence. We finished that story (with accompanying illustrations) rather quickly, and then began another with the same level of offensiveness, but without the structure of our previous playing to guide us. That one went unfinished and worked on for at least two years.

In NaNoWriMo 2006, I met a silly, fun group of writers whose imagery was outstanding to say the least. I only met up with them a few more times after that, and we all were so in love with our own stories. It was inspiring to listen to their choice sentences, to help them work out their own issues, to look over their notes with curious cooing. It was like a Lamaze class, where everyone got together to talk about the good and the bad of growing a baby, and the teacher was out to lunch.

This April, I gained a writing friend in my husband's aunt by "marriage", an English teacher at an area high school. I knew I had to go to her for my own writer's block, but that started a long conversation and countless e-mails about theory and philosophy and support.

I think about trying to write my stories and projects without these support groups, however diminished their influence now, and I feel totally isolated.

Writers are word factories, churning out sentences and paragraphs out of raw materials. These materials could be anything: the look of a shuddering tree upon first acquiring vision aids, a conversation overheard on the bus, a vivid dream. Commonly, though, they come from others. We meet an interesting person. We discuss our writing with others. We help other writers out with their own hurdles. We read starvingly.

It is all well and good to generate ideas from the material rather than the social. But there will come a time when you have to reach out from the usual and find gold in the unfamiliar.

Here's some ideas for meeting other writers, or at least allowing them to influence you in good ways:

• Don't be ashamed to admit that you like to write. You may occasionally get an asshole that will ask if you've written anything he might have read, but you will never find any other secret writers unless you let your own secret slip first. Think of it this way: Superman and Batman are both formidable people, but yet, they never would have become such a powerful team if they didn't know about the existence of the other.
• Read. Read inside your favorite genre, and outside it. Browse a new section of the bookstore or library each time you visit. Visit used bookstores to pick up handled treasures, and don't be afraid to converse with the shopkeeper; chances are, he or she will be just as interested in reading as you.
• Join a book club. I'm not talking those groups of middle-class women who skim through the Cliffs Notes of a novel in order to make slight commentary before gossiping about who is marrying who over bagels and cream cheese. Get your friends together, acquire a copy of a novel for each person (especially if they are cheap-wads), and give them an appropriate amount of time to read it. Then get together to actually discuss it. It may indeed open you up to analyzing your entertaining books a little more closely, which will allow you to keep a finer eye on your own writing.
• Take a writing class, or join a writer's group. I say either or because if you take a class, you will likely get the same benefits if you join a writer's group in that you will have a deadline to write some material, have to share it, and then absorb criticism. Make sure that the group is not just out to be mean, but take their words seriously.
• If you write poetry, attend live readings. This will open you up to the poetry community of your region as well as expose you to styles that may differ wildly from your own, or draw your ear to the subtle nuances of more similar works.
• Write a letter to your favorite author. This could be intimidating, but keep in mind that they may not even read it. Keeping this in mind may indeed make it easier to communicate your excitement about their work, an excitement they are likely to appreciate. Don't exhibit stalker behavior, however; I live maybe an hour or two's drive from that asshole Terry Goodkind, but I'm not exactly going to go and appear on his doorstep with a collage of his half-eaten food and toenail clippings. Be friendly, but calm.
• Barring all of this, join NaNoWriMo. Not only will you get a lot of writing done, but most regions have a ready-made group of interesting and excited participants. If you are wary of meeting people in real-life that you meet online, no worries; just communicate on the forums. If you do decide to go to a meetup or write-in, be cautious; take a friend and make sure the meeting is in a public place you can easily leave in an emergency.

It's very easy to just say that you prefer to keep your writing private. I understand; the actual act of writing should be relatively private. However, when you get writer's block, and want to rebound ideas off a friend, you may want that friend to also be a writer, or you may just be met with a lot of blank expressions.